STEPPING AWAY

After careful consideration I decided to give my job a second chance. It is hard to walk away from a project when it is being left half way completed. Also and partially because I've cooled down a lot and can now see things from a 3rd party perspective, not driven by passions and emotions but guided by reason. Maybe they are right there is hope and tomorrow we'll be able to turn it around.

Then the fundamental question is why am i so stressed out? Stress comes from frustration, frustration because I feel powerless, and this powerlessness is being caused by me feeling ignored. 

Now how can a change something in this pattern of behavior?

Since i cannot change others, all I can do is all I can do. I'll do my work the best I can and if no one would like to collaborate I'm still doing my best. I need to learn to let go. This is not my business and I'm being paid to work and to help them out. If they don't want help then bottom line I'm still getting paid, right? How long will I last in this state of denial, maybe not long. But for now I have an agenda, getting my life together. And this means really take some time to organize my life, thoughts, take a dance class, do some yoga, hang out with my friends, keep up with my laundry and study for the Board exam.

The reason I keep on felling that i'm hitting a wall is because I gave up my entire life for this job, running it like it is my own business. From now on my attitude will be more like a consultant. I can do the research and give recommendations but if the owners don't care then feel free to keep on paying me to tell you what to do. Now do not expect that i'll try to push change, because a consultant's job is to recommend, not to put a gun to someone's head and make them do things. That is the job of a Manager.

So here is the first lesson on how to keep up with stress ..... IF YOU CANNOT CHANGE IT, LEAVE IT ALONE.... ONE DAY YOUR EFFORT WILL BE RECOGNIZED.